Sunday, June 29, 2014

this thing called puppy love

jiKo was a surprise gift for me last christmas. it was love at first sight. but my first reaction, really, when i saw the teeny weeny pup was hesitance.  
i could not imagine myself taking care of the tiny mutt. he looked so fragile and a bit dirty, i was also afraid he might have some pet insects of his own. bwahahaha!  
but gracious as i could muster, i hugged happily the donor and gave the little mutt a pat on his back. he just looked at me and did not even smile.  
i did some pet supplies shopping before i went to pick him up, and brought my basket, lined with some new and clean rugs, and some puppy food.  my car was new, i didn't want any leak on the seats or on the floors, that i also brought a huge basin to hold the basket, just in case.  bwahahaha!  

 i drove home and got him into a new basket as his sleeping place.  he did not like it, he wants to hang his head on the metal foot bar of my repurposed wrought iron book shelf. hhhmmmm, as early as the first day, he was already showing some character!  and i can feel myself fallin' deeper! bwahahaha!  divin' even.  i could not help it!  he is adorable!
a few mishaps from his mischievous antics:  a sprain, and a gushing cut, made me bawl my eyes out, and not just for a while, i was crying the whole night while watching him to sleep and watching just to make sure he is breathing! bwahahaha!  

now, as i recall that moment, i could still feel how bad i felt that he hurt himself.  never thought i would feel that way!  i knew then it was true love.  bwahahaha!

fast forward to today, he is now taking his nap, while  am pounding on my lappy, putting into this post my puppy diary, before he rouses up and starts nibbling at my arms and giving me those wet kisses. bwahahaha!
for this weekend, i cannot help but be grateful for having been given the chance to experience this wonderful puppy love.  he not only gives me joy but makes me learn a few and basic things.  and i tell daday and manilyn these teachings, too. they do not need to be puppies to be better humans. bwahahaha!
these are a few of my favourite puppy teachings:
when love comes home, always run to greet them.
never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride (when jiKo hears the engine, he runs up, climbs in and takes his spot on the front seat, beside the driver. bwahahaha!)
allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstacy.
take naps.
stretch before rising.
run, romp and play daily.
thrive on attention and let people touch you.

avoid biting when a simple grown will do.
on warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass, on hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.
when you are happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
be loyal.

never pretend to be something you are not.
when someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.

enjoy every moment of the day!
jiKo is not just a mutt for me, he is the reason i come home early and the reason why i wake up early.  we have to have that early morning nuzzle on my bed, before we begin the day.  now i must say this:  if puppies were friends, jiKo is my best. and life is good.

Sunday, June 22, 2014

of lies and liars

i was kinda hoping for a quiet weekend, instead, i had to break it and go for the loud and the noisy. i went to the city, hoping to find some quiet.  it does sound oxymoron-ish, well, a lot of people are that, anyway.  so for this weekend, or rather what's left of it, i kinda feel like rantin', or maybe just airin' my thoughts out, when all this time, i have maintained my cool.  i just got so disappointed and frustrated that people who i think are cool and true, are just the opposite, well, not the cool part, dammit! because definitely, they are not hot! bwahahaha!

right now, am at a loss for ways on how to deal with lies and liars.  i still maintain that it is better and easier to deal with hard truths than with soft and cushioned lies, but it is just the way people are, i think.  make that, am sure!  they would rather think that they are making me happy by telling me lies, than see me cry over truths. contrary to what i strongly believe in, dammit!
so for this weekend, i scrimp on the time left.  may i still find quiet gifts and true companions and unexpected surprises.  may these tears of frustrations be turned into wine of good taste and flavours.  may i not experience, again and again, being subjected to hard or soft lies.  which, by the way, i find about anyway. may the time left of this sunday take me for a break from heartbreak.  and if i miss it, i can always pick it up again on monday. bwahahaha!  

Saturday, June 14, 2014

colours and shades

for this weekend, may i not be surprised at my own contradictions:
how i long to be alone(although i already am. bwahahaha!), yet crave community and inclusion; 

how i wish for some sort of attention, notice, thought and also anonymity, vagueness and obscurity;

how i want my independence, my freedom, my openness but secretly wish for a caretaker (a masseuse, a carpenter, a janitor.  bwahahaha!)
may i not try to smoothen, iron out my inconsistencies, and just accept these colours and shades of gray, as part of my humanity.
amidst all these, may i be firm in knowing without asking for a miracle or a spectacle, the changeless and unmoving presence of you. and i smile and know you are and will always be there. you make life good! bwahahaha!

Saturday, June 7, 2014


wow! i cannot help it, i have to start with a wow!  
i have always longed to get back to my 100 joy quilts project.  and after a lot of time-giving and for-giving, i finally found my time and space to create and celebrate!  my art, my life! an uninterrupted time of sewing and patch-working and designing. (sounds mundane? nah! bwahahaha!).  

i need not say this, but i am saying:  i am always in awe, after each and every finished quilt.  bwahahaha!  and the last one really had my hair on ends, if you know or see what i mean.  and did i mention i make them from vintage and discarded clothes? bwahahaha! 

so for this weekend, i take time to push the boat out for my starts, my finishes, my first steps and my knowing-when-to-quits.  i not only mean that with my sewing projects, but as well, with habits and relationships. bwahahaha!
may i learn, too, even more deeply, the value of waiting (although i have waited a lifetime enough, bwahahaha!) listening, and a good, long laugh.

for all intents and purposes, the last one i seemed to have mastered. bwahahaha!  life is good!  and a seamless patchwork of beautiful moments. 

Sunday, June 1, 2014

curious and open

i was up till the wee hours of the morning this first sunday of june. soon enough, half of the year is done and dealt with.  soon enough, another candle would be placed on the cake.  bwahahaha!
the street party last night was great!  am not a lot, really, into street parties, i would rather have a quiet wine and dine thing, but the lure was set, the bait was poised and i succumbed.  thanks, jay, it was all worth going for the hook, line and sinker!  i had a blast!
i could not sleep right away, there were prayers to say, pleas to utter. and in the silence of my dark dawning day, i find myself weak and fragile.  and can just see, tho not quite touch yet, this brewin' feelin'.  i guess, this is what life is all about, at least this life i got, the dealing with emotions that are sometimes, threatening to expose the self, literally and figuratively.  bwahahaha!
i had a nice soliloquy, i felt somebody was listening, too.  tried talking myself out of the impending cacophony of pleasure and pain.  for the longest time, i have grown numb and somehow was able to ignore any feeling of trying to hope for a promised future.  as one friend puts it, when he denied me of a promise: i do not have all the answers you ask and am sorry that i cannot offer you the permanence you so truly deserve.  hmmmm, is there really such a thing as permanence?  but i know exactly what he meant.  well, maybe i am the only person that has been deprived of permanence in terms of relationships, or maybe that i do not deserve one, who knows?  i don't.  bwahahaha! afterall, life itself is not permanent, so must relationships be?
so for this weekend, before the sun is even high enough for shadows, i stay awake and dig deep.  inspite of all the impermanence i have been subjected to, in the first half of my century, i still know this for sure:  when i wake up tomorrow, i will still stay curious, open and willing to ask and learn.  and i will remember where to go with my questions and rest when i do not understand the answers.
 life, like what i always say, is good!  bwahahaha!