Tuesday, April 28, 2009
ma used to tell me that when i look back in my life, and can tot up the number of true friends i have on one hand, then i am lucky, indeed...
i didn't get it at the time. i was the type who wanted to be everybody's friend. the terms "bad," "loser," "user," and most important "acquaintance," or “non-friends” hadn't even entered my mind yet. i hadn't lived enough yet. i hadn't been back-bit or kicked in the back enough yet. the world was rosy, and i saw it through rose-colored glasses back then.
age and experience, however, made me see and understand, slowly, what she meant. i believe i've finally learned the difference between a "friend" and a "non." here are a few differences i've noticed.
a friend doesn't have a timetable for you to go by. they make time for you, even if it's just five minutes. a non gives you a a program, expect you to follow it and might be around when you need them. then again, they might not. all depends on where they are in their individual minds.
a friend includes you in their lives. you don't have to ask. you don't have to invade. the standing invitation is there. a non often makes plans behind your back. you don't find out until later that they had a party, they saw you in the mall but were "busy". sometimes, you even read about it. strangers on their myspace pages, blogs and forums find out before you do. sad, but true.
a friend knows what initiative is. you don't have to call them. there is no cat and mouse game. if they think of you, they call you. likewise, if you think of them, you call them. without any notice.
a friend is there in the sunshine and also when it rains. when you hurt, they hurt. when you celebrate, they are right there with you. a non have to check their date book, they have to clear their schedules, they have to ask their spouse and, occasionally, you might get lucky. don't hold your breath though...
finally, a friend takes you as you are. they may disagree with some of it (me and my friends Ritzie, Tootsie, Anne, even Bumble are always debating on issues) but they love me just the same. i don't have to pretend for them. i don't have to change for them. and, if i decide to change on my own, i don't have to explain myself to them.
unfortunately, in the fast-paced world we live in, i have very few friends and many nons. nons whom i thought were friends. then, i found out different. the phone calls decreased. the visits fizzled. and i am left with pictures and memories of a friendship that once burned so brightly. now, just an ember, an afterimage of my glory days.
so, i begin a quest to make new friends. hopefully, the real thing this time and not just the illusion of it. after all, life is short and when the time comes and people look at your tombstone, it's the dash between the two dates that makes all the difference. i don't want to waste another minute.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
i look at my forest
after this morning's rain,
lush and fresh and green. . .
the ferns dance to the cool breeze blowing.
i look at the sky
it's grey. . .
rain is looming.
as my tears threaten to fall,
i am with you. . .
in your grief
in your sadness
i love you. . .