Wednesday, August 26, 2009

viva la vida solo

my having a busy sched in farming and has been a great blessing to my state of being solo. not only did i lose the time to mope and feel alone and lonely (by the time i am done, i am asleep before my head hits my bed), but also, won a time when i can immerse myself into my real passions.

there are times like now, however, when that old gnawing feeling of being alone hits me like a phantom lurking in the dark, waiting for a moment like this to make me feel, and remind me, that i am, indeed alone, and solo, still. the recent visit of my dear friend and sister bbj, has somehow filled the void i often feel. And her leaving has re-created it.

it seems that no matter what is going on in my life, that old saying about the ‘’greener grass’’ always pops up at some point. there are so many things to be loved and hated about being a single person. whether it’s hating the weekends alone, or the approaching holidays; having things to fix about the house with no one there to help out; or, simply, having someone to hold you when you want to be held – these things can magnify the loneliness that sometimes comes with being solo and over shadow the good that comes with being single. having a shoulder-to-cry-on in times of failures, and for me, more importantly, in times of successes, is more felt now than ever.

however, it is also important to remember to keep a perspective on what is going on in my heart and head. these challenging times are when i need to make an extra effort of taking special care of my own needs. being clear about whether i am feeling lonely because i have physical needs rather than simply the need to share my thoughts with another person can be an important distinction in how i go about filling that void. it can mean the difference between calling up a friend to meet for coffee and a chat, or getting involved in a toxic relationship out of fear of being alone.

i lean more towards doing the former, than the latter, at least for now. . .

viva la vida solo!