Sunday, June 23, 2013

my heart is in my throat & in your hands

 yesterday was the first day, after two years,that i saw my fave hut, empty of the set tables where guests enjoy the farm cuisine we serve. 
i had to have the tables moved to the hall where the rice wine-making was taking place, to accommodate more participants.
the bare hut appealed to get cleaned so i asked my farm help pido to get some cleaning implements and get the job done.  meanwhile, i catch myself intermittently bossing around and going over the cracks of the original flooring and caught sight of the etched date (14 july 2004) on the cement floor, one i did myself when i poured the first mortar some nine years ago.  
i took my cam and started framing from it, some nice spots. . . i could not help feel my heart in my throat, when memories of how i got to rebuild my farm after a super typhoon devastation flooded my mind with horrible images, recollections of fear and helplessness.
my heart was in my throat. . . and realized that it is also in your hands.  i have stopped letting my brilliance try to overshadow yours. 
i have discovered and understood to let you lead to live my life.  you are my source.
not only do i know of your love or believe in it, i also live that love.
not only have i the most fantastic story of grace to share, but also, i have the only thing worth gaining - the memory of the giving of myself - and that will outlast time.  i know that for sure. 
thank you!

Sunday, June 9, 2013

choosing creative

for most of my life, i thought of myself as creative.  then, some years ago, i would draw and paint from my crude art supplies of basically a pencil and some crayons, making greeting cards and giving them to family and friends during christmas.  
back then, i was doing that from sheer lack of having enough to buy the nice hallmark greeting cards that i see in bookstores.  my motivation then, was my thoughtfulness and my need for expression.
i have gone through a lot of un-creative jobs, since then, doing things and pursuing careers that, without me knowing, were slowly killing my creative spirit.  
i had to undergo a painful metamorphosing to grow my wings and believe i could take fanciful flights.  i found myself in a role where i needed to be very creative,  my motivation changed:  now, i have to combine business with taking care of the environment, by making products from recycled buttons, fabrics and findings, and by farming organically.  
i know, i can be more creative, and that is my daily goal.  my perspective about my role and my life changed:  i have to be tremendously creative, in my farming, my and my being.
my daily journeys make me realize that creativity is important for varied reasons.  for one, it is a path and a process for not getting stuck in the ordinary.  i have to consciously walk a different path, well, maybe the same path but with different stride, gait and pace.  
and that perspective helped me a lot with problem solving, with creating new and young relationships and living a healthier and happier life.  
what i learned along the way is that creativity is not something i have or do not have.  it is something that i can nurture and develop.  most importantly, i know that creativity can be practiced.
so i wake up each morning, look in the mirror and instantly know how i can be creative.  after all, everything i do is a matter of choice.  so i choose to live life and be creative.
life is good!  be creative! i am!  

Sunday, June 2, 2013


my soul opens up to you, the way you move, step by step, run. . .
i implore for courage to move with you.
as i go through my weekend, i ask for humility to embrace the ordinary, 
for it is in those small places that i find the divine.
i let the simple graces of my everyday moments, escort me further into the awesome mystery.
and when dusk masks the day into an evening of mild dark, i am filled with your nearness, and i fear none.
thank you.