Saturday, July 12, 2014

life is a balancing act

sometimes, i have trouble putting balance on things. hmmmm, make it a lot of times.  bwahahaha!  i am no good at doing one thing at a time. while i may catch myself busy on the treadle of my antique sewing machine, i would often catch myself picking the poppy am going to translate onto my canvass.  
while am going through the meandering paths in the forest at the farm, i also catch myself imagining jiko running until his tongue sticks out panting and making himself dirty and i giving him a run for his life before being able to give him a bath. bwahahaha!  
while i am meeting with my colleagues in the business department at the university, i also catch myself considering and raring to drive down to buhi and touch those handwoven colourful fabrics i asked the local weavers to especially weave for me, for my hobo bags and scarves.  and i can go on and on and on.
i have good intentions, but i typically end up doing most of it all at once because before i know it, there is also the time frame i have to work on - deadlines for one like me?  this definitely sounds strange.  bwahahaha! another thing am good at?  i wait too long for "me" time and when i get it, i hoard it like a starving dog worried i may never get it again.
perhaps it is because for the last six or seven years, it has been mostly about them - others.  the fault may have been from me getting that most outstanding rural woman award.  i seem to have taken it upon the self to stay outstanding!  at least to my mind's eyes.
now that i notice years creeping in on me, i got the scare of my life when i experienced cramps on both legs, i realize that i have to take extra effort to make a balance of what goes on in my life.  and i have consciously taken time for introverted activities like reading and musing and painting and sewing. again.  
do i need to be productive and clean the house from top of the fridge to bottom of the baseboards?  should i finish the simplicity patchwork which is not simple at all? write the farm training modules?  learn to tat?  save the world?

i always try to find that happy place between living restfully and being productive and recently, i reclaimed a small spot at the verandah.  i still have to bring up my rocking chair from the coffee shop downstairs to complete the look of the nook.  bwahahaha!
so today, in between tapping on my lappy and dipping my paintbrush, i made an appointment to have that swedish before i hit the sack.  i took sometime to really sit down and talk things about my relaunching of the b&b, but is that work? bwahahaha!  no, it is coffee time with a real-life friend.  
while it may sound so self-indulgent, those things and activities, they are also the very things that are so important and very rarely scheduled for the self.
sometimes, it is the little things, the daily things, the ordinary things that i need to notice and celebrate!  but this saturday, today, i am celebrating a different kind of gift:  permission to be indulgent.  bwahahaha!
and one more thing,  i allow myself to wear my pearls everyday. now, that is indulgent. bwahahaha!

Sunday, July 6, 2014

deeper into joy

i let the wind through my hair. sometimes, though, the wind finds it difficult to go through my hair, when it is so bundled up. bwahahaha! so on rare occasions, i let my hair loose and allow the wind to caress those greys.

i go through every nook and cranny at the farm,  and discover something new, each time. seeds sprouting, berries blushing, bamboos shooting! 

it feels like everything is breathing with joy! exalting! exulting!

through all these, i learned to receive, for i know, all these are gifts. so, i walk and gather and just happily be, even for just a day, sometimes just a moment, i allow myself to listen and whisper a prayer, embrace the grace.
for this weekend, i allow myself to wander and may this wandering lead me deeper into the joy habit, because i know this for sure:  all is grace.

life is good!  and ilysm! bwahahaha!

Sunday, June 29, 2014

this thing called puppy love

jiKo was a surprise gift for me last christmas. it was love at first sight. but my first reaction, really, when i saw the teeny weeny pup was hesitance.  
i could not imagine myself taking care of the tiny mutt. he looked so fragile and a bit dirty, i was also afraid he might have some pet insects of his own. bwahahaha!  
but gracious as i could muster, i hugged happily the donor and gave the little mutt a pat on his back. he just looked at me and did not even smile.  
i did some pet supplies shopping before i went to pick him up, and brought my basket, lined with some new and clean rugs, and some puppy food.  my car was new, i didn't want any leak on the seats or on the floors, that i also brought a huge basin to hold the basket, just in case.  bwahahaha!  

 i drove home and got him into a new basket as his sleeping place.  he did not like it, he wants to hang his head on the metal foot bar of my repurposed wrought iron book shelf. hhhmmmm, as early as the first day, he was already showing some character!  and i can feel myself fallin' deeper! bwahahaha!  divin' even.  i could not help it!  he is adorable!
a few mishaps from his mischievous antics:  a sprain, and a gushing cut, made me bawl my eyes out, and not just for a while, i was crying the whole night while watching him to sleep and watching just to make sure he is breathing! bwahahaha!  

now, as i recall that moment, i could still feel how bad i felt that he hurt himself.  never thought i would feel that way!  i knew then it was true love.  bwahahaha!

fast forward to today, he is now taking his nap, while  am pounding on my lappy, putting into this post my puppy diary, before he rouses up and starts nibbling at my arms and giving me those wet kisses. bwahahaha!
for this weekend, i cannot help but be grateful for having been given the chance to experience this wonderful puppy love.  he not only gives me joy but makes me learn a few and basic things.  and i tell daday and manilyn these teachings, too. they do not need to be puppies to be better humans. bwahahaha!
these are a few of my favourite puppy teachings:
when love comes home, always run to greet them.
never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride (when jiKo hears the engine, he runs up, climbs in and takes his spot on the front seat, beside the driver. bwahahaha!)
allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstacy.
take naps.
stretch before rising.
run, romp and play daily.
thrive on attention and let people touch you.

avoid biting when a simple grown will do.
on warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass, on hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.
when you are happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
be loyal.

never pretend to be something you are not.
when someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.

enjoy every moment of the day!
jiKo is not just a mutt for me, he is the reason i come home early and the reason why i wake up early.  we have to have that early morning nuzzle on my bed, before we begin the day.  now i must say this:  if puppies were friends, jiKo is my best. and life is good.

Sunday, June 22, 2014

of lies and liars

i was kinda hoping for a quiet weekend, instead, i had to break it and go for the loud and the noisy. i went to the city, hoping to find some quiet.  it does sound oxymoron-ish, well, a lot of people are that, anyway.  so for this weekend, or rather what's left of it, i kinda feel like rantin', or maybe just airin' my thoughts out, when all this time, i have maintained my cool.  i just got so disappointed and frustrated that people who i think are cool and true, are just the opposite, well, not the cool part, dammit! because definitely, they are not hot! bwahahaha!

right now, am at a loss for ways on how to deal with lies and liars.  i still maintain that it is better and easier to deal with hard truths than with soft and cushioned lies, but it is just the way people are, i think.  make that, am sure!  they would rather think that they are making me happy by telling me lies, than see me cry over truths. contrary to what i strongly believe in, dammit!
so for this weekend, i scrimp on the time left.  may i still find quiet gifts and true companions and unexpected surprises.  may these tears of frustrations be turned into wine of good taste and flavours.  may i not experience, again and again, being subjected to hard or soft lies.  which, by the way, i find about anyway. may the time left of this sunday take me for a break from heartbreak.  and if i miss it, i can always pick it up again on monday. bwahahaha!