embracing rest

it has always been a struggle for me.  i find it so difficult to rest and do small things. if i took time to play with my fb games, or just watch a show on tv, flip through a mag, i would feel a twinge of guilt. i would hear a voice inside me: shouldn't you be doing something more prolific, significant, amazing?

some days, i could swat the thought like a fly and carry on, but on days that are not as good, i would get up and work myself into a frenzy, my crew just cannot keep up with me.  i think it is my way of trying to prove my worth?

yet over time, i have had some awareness, and i began to change my mind set about small things in life. i realize when i pause for rest, to play, to laugh, to enjoy a leaf, a bloom, an insect or the rain. . .it is my act of worship.  those small things declare the big truth:  he is in control, and i am not.  and i trust him enough to manage every minute of my life.

i humble myself and do "human" things, after all, i am human, not god.  bwahahaha!

and there is definitely no cause for feeling insecure because i know who i belong to.  and i do not need to prove it again and again by how much i can produce.

so i take this day to rest and do small things, i.e., clear my mind of clutter and just enjoy the deconstruction i have been meaning to do, while i listen to some great music and the occasional chirping of my avian friends, at my farm.

after a bit of reflection, i understand that when i rest, i show to the world how i believe you treat me.  so i embrace the small and i dare to rest.  bwahahaha!  

life is good!  and ilysm! ♥ ♥