the day after

 

it was sudden, before i knew it, you were gone again.

and the day after you was cold. bitterly cold. and unseasonably cruel.
it was somehow like an apparition that never came. but you did! i have your gift to prove it!
you tease. next time will be better.
you lie. if only we had time and space then.

i tore at the crumpled paper on which i wrote everything i wanted to ask and tell you, but never did.
littered my bedroom floor, like confetti.

by the time i woke up from a restless sleep, i knew the house is still empty, sterile, even.
the loneliness sets in.
the mixed emotions collide and cloud my vision again. was it the best day and way to greet this new year, or the worst?

i think back to that day that now seems so far away, so unapproachable.  we hugged, we had coffee, we strolled, held hands. . .but still wished for more, at least, i did!
today, i know this for sure: every coming goes.
and there are no words to honour this, only tears.  and maybe hope that there is still more waiting to do. . .

until then.