hope for, hope in

 
sometimes, okey, make it a lot of times, life does not turn out the way i think it would.  i face losses, a lot of bumps against a wall, often making me wonder what in the world just happened?  

one minute one is raging mad against some people.  the next minute, i catch them ruffling each other's feathers!  waaaaaah!  i just do not get it!  i come to realize that, that must be part of living here, in this fallen world.

so i pour myself out to you and tell you of my disappointments.  you smile, like i can see it, i have to take my eyes off the road to look at you.  and i feel you hold my hand, a squeeze that reassures:  even in those moments, you can find hope, you seem to be telling me.  waaaaah! i wanted you to curse the world with me.  bwahahaha!  including the people in that world.

you got me thinking even after you left, making me look up inside me, what you meant by hope.
sometimes, that is the one word i fear most.  i have been its victim, often.

i soon come to realize this:
there are just two kinds of hope in my world (and you maybe meaning to tell me which kind, but you did not. bwahahaha!)
one that hopes for and that was not it, because i know it does not always come true.
and the kind that hopes in because that is what remains true, no matter what.
my friday was not so bad, afterall, because i know all these for sure:

i hope in the force whose ways are higher than mine.
i hope in a future promised and prepared for me.
i hope that even today's rain (it is a wet town fiesta today!) can somehow become tomorrow's flowers.

i do not know how it happens, all i know is i live it and i breathe it.  i cling to it in the darkness of my alone nights. . .

and i know, even the darkest night will lead to dawn, to scandalous joy unexpected.  bwahahaha!

thank you!

the hum of solitude

the past week was busy, to say the least. commotion starts in the wee hours of the morning and ends in the wee hours of the morning. bwahahaha! it was a demanding task.  but there is just no way i would let a chance like it pass on and leave me wondering, curl-twirling and 
asking:  what if? bwahahaha! naaah! not me.

in some respect, it was chaos, bedlam, madness. but it was also fun, pleasure, bliss!  any chance i get to explore my creativity will make me leave the humdrum of the routine and the ordinary.  afterall, i am extraordinary.  bwahahaha!

i loved the challenge, i definitely went for it!

and so for this weekend moments, i need to remind the self of the need to be still.

and in the stillness, i hear your sacred whisper inviting me to deeper silence, to follow you without hesitation. . .

i do not dread the still tongue, the quiet room, the questions in the dark.  i let the hum of solitude be my only theme song as my soul moves with grace to a different kind of rhythm. . .

thank you!  ilysm!