my heart is in my throat & in your hands

  

 yesterday was the first day, after two years,that i saw my fave hut, empty of the set tables where guests enjoy the farm cuisine we serve. 

i had to have the tables moved to the hall where the rice wine-making was taking place, to accommodate more participants.

the bare hut appealed to get cleaned so i asked my farm help pido to get some cleaning implements and get the job done.  meanwhile, i catch myself intermittently bossing around and going over the cracks of the original flooring and caught sight of the etched date (14 july 2004) on the cement floor, one i did myself when i poured the first mortar some nine years ago.  

i took my cam and started framing from it, some nice spots. . . i could not help feel my heart in my throat, when memories of how i got to rebuild my farm after a super typhoon devastation flooded my mind with horrible images, recollections of fear and helplessness.

my heart was in my throat. . . and realized that it is also in your hands.  i have stopped letting my brilliance try to overshadow yours. 

i have discovered and understood to let you lead to live my life.  you are my source.
not only do i know of your love or believe in it, i also live that love.

not only have i the most fantastic story of grace to share, but also, i have the only thing worth gaining - the memory of the giving of myself - and that will outlast time.  i know that for sure. 

thank you!