i was thinking about this a week ago. well, actually, i not only thought about it, i spoke about it to the person concerned.
i have realized this much: hope can be a hindrance, an encumbrance, an impediment to progress, an endless waiting room, a waste of emotional energy. in order to move forward (or just come fully back to the present), i must, sometimes, let go of hope. empty the bowels, so to speak. bwahahaha! you may not agree, but this has been my experience, and am blogging about it, you may also blog about yours, faic.
hope is often held up as something i must always cling to. always. never let go of hope, i am often told, especially when i was younger. a part of me agrees with that. but there comes a time, for me, when i’m better off letting go of hope, because the thing for which i hope, is, in all probability, never going to happen. it might be a phone call that never comes. an apology that is never offered. a lack of forgiveness from someone i wounded. a thank-you never uttered. a person who treats you badly. an employee who doesn’t really change his attitude towards excellence. an unreturned affection. the last being the most painful of all.
i used to wake up every morning and think maybe today it will happen. today, it will be different. and i wait. but nothing changes.
how long should i go on like this? is it healthier to keep hoping, or to give up hope? and in my experience, i’m much better off to let go of hope. does that mean it’s easy to do? absolutely not. there is even what i call a “grieving” period that follows, (i thought it will just be short, realizing now, it may take longer) but, in time, my emotions settle down. my expectations cease. i find myself living in the present moment once again. i don’t have this sense of underlying anxiety that hope often produces.
don’t misunderstand what i’m saying. i’m not saying that i should stop hoping in the Force. he is always able to perform above and beyond my biggest dreams and hopes. i’ve seen that happen more than once in my own life. i should always hope in the Force. but he doesn't always give me everything i hope for. and i knew and know that He won’t make anyone do anything against his or her will. He can change hearts, but your will must be surrendered to Him, freely. so if your hopes depend on another person's will, that can pose a problem. that certainly did, to me.
there is one personal story on this, but may blog about it some other time, right now, i have to give up hope, in order to live.
artwork: "faith, hope, love" - osacnab
