dear me

dear self and me,
really, it is going to be okay. you are going to be okay.
promise.

do you remember when you were sixteen with that ridiculous hair, and how you thought that by the time you get to here, to now, it was going to be good, everything would be good.

that by now, you would know in the very marrow of your bones what it is like to really live loved. that you would be known, fully known and wholly embraced.
that the big dream would happen, that the peace and the purpose and the big point would be under your skin, 

that the awkward would be gone and that you would finally fit and that your life makes a real difference, you would make a real mark and you really matter.
you do not have to worry, you will get to make at least one unforgettable mark. 

and everyday, with every word, you get to decide: do you mar the world or mark the world?
it is always the smallest strokes that add up to the greatest masterpiece. because the thing is: do you even really know which mark you make that will matter most?

and though you are weary and tired, you keep getting out of bed and believing that you will never leave the world until you leave your most beautiful mark.

so just for today, keep going, keep believing that it is all working out okay. and that you are not alone in your story.
you are going to be okay and you will laugh and sing and dance a bit today. 
love,
me

beloved

i grieve for never having found the one, or if i did, for letting go.  and yet, walking my dog in the woods, i feel this way about the forest: the forest is my beloved.