ordinarily extraordinary

am an ordinary person,

so i am not a politician, i am not running for an office or married to a mayor.  i am an artist, a farmer, a teacher and a dreamer.  i have insecurities, dirty grout and a stinky adorable dog.  and i am changing the world!

but i think differently

maybe i have to be crazy.  how else can one stare at an empty canvas and see a work of art?  or sit in silence and hear a song that has never been written?  while some see me as crazy, i see me as genius!  bwahahaha!  and the one who is crazy enough to think she can change the world, is the one who does!

in a small town, in a big world!

i am not fool enough to think that what i do in my small town will matter to everyone.  it will not matter to most.  it will not make sense to others.  it might even be dumb, ordinary, or flat to a few.  

but for some? for some it will change the world.  those are the some i am looking for. those are the some i want to look in the eye and say, "you, too? oh, good!  let us do this together."

and life is good!

when the pain becomes an ache

somehow, there is this trust that i have in the truth that everything happens not by chance but by design.

the people in my life, those in the past and in the present, hhhmmm, maybe even the ones i will meet in the morrow;

the places i have been to, where i am now planted, maybe even a place i would consider living in, in the later years of my life;

the events and circumstances.

all these i believe are part of a grand design for this life i live, albeit my belief that i also have free will, too. bwahahaha!

however, lately, in the midst of all that has been going on, i catch a glimpse of myself drowning and lost. and the pain becomes an ache. . .

so for the coming days that are but gifts, may i remember to breathe!

may i be patient as i consider the colourful mess of joy and grief.

may i have the understanding that my soul may need a little space to sit quietly in the shadows, before she can be ready to embrace the light.

when grey and blue are mornings

it is such a cold and grey sunday, makes me dip deep.  when i do, somehow, i feel blue.

sometimes, i feel like all my glasses tend to be half-empty, i.e., when i tend to be more eeyore than pooh.

sometimes, i tend to be the last to spot the silver lining, when the clouds descend upon me, and not of my own choosing.

sometimes, i just seem unable to escape, however hard i try to reframe.

maybe, it comes from running a little too hard for a little too long.  or from small discouragements that add up to one big gloom.

and on a morning like this, i wake up and grope and hope for the usual hopefulness that dances around me, but just isn't there this morn.

new eyes, new love

it was a tumultuous weekend, when i say that, i mean not only the howling winds blowing off the leaves from my trees, nor just the torrents that seemed so incessant.  

it was a tumultuous weekend, when i say that, i also mean the emotional roller coaster ride of my story, my life.

i never liked the roller coaster, in fact, i never had a ride in one. well, sometimes, i get the feel of the real thing when people and emotions are jolted and shaken.  that feeling of slowly rising up above the clouds and then suddenly dealing with a downward spiral.

for that which transpired last weekend, i took time off and communed and confessed and came out of it, hopefully whole. maybe some cracks here and there, some brokenness. but these cracks, they just let out the light from within.

for the next days coming, may i find ways to say old truths, 
new eyes to see old loves
and new courage to release what i no longer need.
may my soul learn peace in the midst of chaos,
gladness when i feel small and quiet in the presence of what once was love.

may i know new love soon, as soon as the next sun rises.  
bwahahaha!