the sickness that is ingratitude

the weekend brings me this realization:  that even when i am living in a small rural town of baao, i am living a fast-paced life and i have to be reminded of my need to slow down, take it easy, smell the roses.  one of the curses of living in a fast-paced society (which i thought i was not), is the tendency to take things for granted.

somehow, i overlook everyday blessings, oblivious to the fact that life itself is a gift.  and if i am not careful, i may just find myself rushing through each day, less and less grateful, which is no way to live. . .for me, ingratitude is a sickness and i definitely do not want to be inflicted. bwahahaha!

sometimes, ingratitude creeps into my life slowly, inconspicuously. i may not even know, i have been infected already.  and like some malignant incurable illness, it manifests in subtle ways, like the feeling of offense i had yesterday, when the person ahead of me in line was taking her sweet time checking if her sm advantage card was still ok, when she could just have read on its face the expiry year?  hello? and that offense i felt to note that the sweet clerk was entertaining such unintelligent request?  hello? 

and i was in line just to pay for two bags of mandarin oranges which to my dismay travelled all the way from china and was starting to make me feel guilty imagining the fossil fuel these little orbs used up to reach me?  bwahahaha!  this green conscience i grew!  bwahahaha!

 but this malady, it grows in me as i believe the thoughts that pop in my head:  i do not deserve this and this is a waste of my time.
eventually, i get plagued and the virus takes root in my heart, where it can be hard to shake, as all of a sudden, every inconvenience becomes a personal affront, which i take very seriously.  especially when i am driving!  oh those motorcycle drivers!

when i forget to be grateful for the less than extraordinary times, i forget to be grateful, period. beauty and goodness are all around me, i just need eyes to see them. and the only way to acquire such vision is saying thanks for the things i do not even understand to be gifts.

and am not saying bad things do not happen or that injustice and evil are not real.  they are!  but how i act when the worst things happen is correlated to my deepest beliefs about myself and the world.  what i do in the worst of time determines who i am.

one reason why i practice to say thank you for the seemingly small things, is that, it definitely helps me appreciate the big things in my life when they come.  it also makes me discover and understand to value the small and know it is all big,  i learn to stop waiting for tomorrow or a better chance or opportunity, and i become conscious and embrace where i am, right now, which by any measure is a very good place.  
bwahahaha! 

today, as in everyday, i say thank you - for everything.  and i just do not think it, or tell it to myself. i actually speak the words - and mean them.
thank you!