do i deserve better? duh?

there are moments when i catch myself having some profound conversation with the self.  most of the time, it happens when i am in the middle of a problem, a crisis, a dilemma.  on other times, it is only when i have some time alone, and quiet, that i go in deep reflective and meditative state.
and last night was one of the latter.
i was thinking about the way i have allowed and tolerated myself to be treated in the past, by certain persons, and i thought, i deserve better.  i am worthy of something, someone better.

now it is almost light, a new dawn is breaking, a new beginning.  funny that today is wednesday, just in the middle of a week, but when i woke up, that thought was still with me.  i deserve better, but i was thinking a little further, i have always deserved better.
but i have always been self-deprecating, always disparaging the self.  (stupid me!  there i go again!  bwahahaha!).

and this morning, i thought a little more, took it to another leap . . .i have just never thought i deserved better, i have always settled for what is.

coincidence somehow always hit me right when i need it.  i was just surfin', doin' nothin', nothin' doin' and i somehow opened my email and got this message from a friend.  i seldom open my email.  these days, all i get are notices that i have been tagged in a pic or mentioned in a note at fb.  but this morning, i have to open my email, why?  beats me!  bwahahaha!

so, in my email this morning, there was a message from one friend who sends me uplifting and enriching things and it said:  either lower your desires to match your expectations, or raise your expectations to match your desires.  

funny, too, that just the other day, one lovely person, in my tirade of being so disappointed because i was expecting something better from some different people in the art community, he tells me that i must not be expecting from other people because of personal differences.  yeah right.  well, am sorry, lovely person, all i thought was that i was expecting a very basic thing from very basic people - courtesy.

anyway,
i went back to the quote i got in the email, and really read it loud, and realized that i have unconsciously been doing for most of my life, the first part of the quote!  and it hasn't worked so well.  so, maybe, it's time to raise my expectations to match my desires?  duh?

i have been tortured for years, being told that i would never make it on my own, in my rural town, and for a while, i have actually believed it!  but eleven years going solo and eight years achieving, accomplishing and realizing and living my dreams, i think maybe, it's time for me to put away those voices and start listening to the one that comes to me in a soft and quiet way:

"you are precious in my sight, and i am well pleased with you.  as my divine creation, you deserve all that is good, right and holy.  do not settle for less."

all i can say. . .message received.

ilysm!  thank you for being in my life!  ♥ ♥ ♥