what really matters

my voice sounded flustered and embarrassed, i got so engrossed and absorbed in my patchwork, my 2/100 joy quilts project, and totally lost track of time.  what is the matter with me?

i get caught with my own thoughts / questions, i do not know why it certainly bugs me so much when people are rude in a movie house queue.  am so sensitive.  what is the matter with me?
sometimes, i think to myself, i cannot believe i missed that detail!  other people are so thorough and particular.  what is the matter with me?
all the questions i asked myself, all those scenes and settings, i asked myself what is the matter with me?  like i was saying something is wrong with me.

but it led me to a deeper thinking and assessment, instead of being flippant and dismissive about it, i may need to ask, what does it say about what really matters to me?
and sure enough, i see the values hiding in them:
-i value my art and creativity.
-kindness is still important even in this chaotic world of rush.
-the big picture is worth more than the detail.

i have core values that guide my life.  they are usually tied up to the core strengths that the force has given me.  and because of that, they are not likely to change.  nor should they.

i often realize, i am with limited time, resources and energy, i cannot have it all, all at once.  so i have to make choices everyday based on what matters most.

for example, i pick between a dust-free living room or extra time for my art.  i cannot do both.  but i give myself permission to know i need folks to help me in certain areas, so i have manilyn to dust my furniture and scrub my wooden floors.  bwahahaha!
i want to live with my trees and enjoy each moment with the freshness and shade they give me, and live with the fallen leaves and twigs as well.  but i also want a clean yard, so i have sandy prune my trees and clean my yard.  bwahahaha!

and this gives me freedom to see what may look like weaknesses, in a different way - they are part of the design, strategically placed so that i focus on what i am here for and let other things go.

so today, sunday, i lay down my guilt that i am not the way i think i have to be.
and pick up the grace to accept who i am - even the parts i wish i could change.
i let go of asking, what is the matter with me?  and instead, simply embrace what really matters.

as it is, as i am, i am already amazing!  bwahahaha!
thank you!  ilysm, i know you know it!  ♥ ♥ ♥