living the art

i am taking an hour off, right now.  i declare this my hour off.  it is only an hour, i just want to put my thoughts on here.  

i remember i said: "i will make art" before, just when, i cannot remember.  back then, i thought that statement would be all there was to say.  but then art started seeping in from every crack in the wall, from every eye and hand i encountered, from every prayer and tree and common, ordinary meal.

and much like my gratitude posts i do every week or so, my eyes opened to the hidden gifts in the daily minute, that statement i made then, opened my eyes to the art in the living.  it is literally everywhere i look.  sometimes, i share what i see here, and sometimes it is just too much to put into words.

but even in all the things i do and say about my life as my art, there have been some heavy and most difficult days, too.  i would not want to give the impression that art is effortless, while seeing the art has been somewhat easy as of late, creating art has not been.  living the art is one thing, making it has been entirely another.

some days i feel the most blessed girl in the world, the girl who gets to do what she's always wanted to do and didn't even know it, the girl who has everything.  bwahahaha!  well, not literally everything.  but other days?  i think i might collapse from the pressure of it all. i signed up for this, the force knows that, and i know that, too.  but it is a lot of work, and i think i am beginning to feel how heavy and light all these are.  bwahahaha!  maybe it has something to do with numbers creeping in on me?  

sometimes, i catch myself being thankful for the deadlines, too, like aug 6 being the opening of our group exhibit, because deadlines mean i need to work on my art (or shall i say, play in my art?), and work means i am painting and painting is my art.  

still, making art requires discipline, sacrifice and white-knuckled resolve.  and this is any kind of art, not just painting.  i have to believe, with all my might that it is worth it.  i have to keep the big picture in mind.  i have to know i love it, that is my message.  but most importantly, it is where my heart beats.

for you are the one who awoke my spirit, you are the one who gave me colours.  ilysm!  ♥ ♥ ♥