i am a star!

it is seldom that i spend the night at the farm. i have my old house, too,  where i have a bed as warm.  but in those rare nights that i sleep over,  i cannot help myself from being in the most beautiful state of gratefulness, thankfulness.  i always believe in what i tell myself:  i must have done something good to deserve waking up in the morning in this lovely farm surroundings.

i meandered along the paths, now somehow lost, in this foggy morning.  i wandered down the back lanes, too.  down in the woods, i could hear them, the frogs singing, the birds chirping, and the cicadas. . .an invisible symphony.

in a world of reaching, how do i rest?  in a culture of numbers, how do i kneel?  in a world of ladders, how do i go lower?
somewhere, a dog barked.

i looked across the fields, there is always something barking loud in me, that i need a bigger field, a bigger farm structure, a greater life, a grander point.  there is always a part of me that wonders if anything i do matters enough.  and there is always someone who makes sure i know how much smarter and wiser,  bigger and better, known and greater they are.

there is always someone who snatches the horn to sing too loud of their own tens of thousands.  i have to remember to tell myself this:  the one keeping tally in life, they just want to know they can count.  bwahahaha!

the whole world could compete to be heard and esteemed and known and get ahead.  i do not have to.  i could breathe deep and feel all of me filling with this calm sea of peace.
i can give up the need to compete in the world, i did.  when i accepted being complete.
sometimes, the way to win is to never enter the race.
so i stood there, listening to the frogs croaking, song filling all this sky after that satisfying, thirst-quenching rain.  i just stood there. . .

there is no need to keep up with the joneses when i am in your company.  and i need not be heard. . . because i am known.  and i feel found.
i would be small and make life small.  and i remember  looking at a cloudless sky the other night, and watched the stars until my neck ached . . . i saw it all above me.  how the stars are always small. . .

thank you.