healing the bruise

it was a toss and turn sleep last night.  actually, it has been for the past three nights.  i lied when i said yesterday that i had a wonderful sleep.  truth is, i have been crying myself to snooze.  but my reason for that is just too private for this my blog.  let me just say that the onset of the cold season starts the bidibidi blues, too.  so much said.

i have been trying to practice meditating.  this morning, before the noise of transport broke the golden silence of dawn, i set up some soft music that helps me relax.  except for the occasional tolling of bells from the nearby church, there was a perfect silence in the surroundings, a rarity.  and i started to open myself up to the silence within me.  and tried to quiet the incessant roar of my own thoughts.  and failed miserably.  

i just can't seem to take things off my mind.  i tried again and again, and somehow, succeeded for a very short time, to get the peace that i have been needing to have - that state of mind where there is just no thoughts crowding it.  i know it is the only state of being that will commence the healing.  ok, i will own up to it.  i am all bruised up, amidst my everyday bwahahas.  and i need some healing to happen.  and i am starting that today.  may the force be with me.

and wait, yes, there is one thing i am thankful for, today.
 
26.  i am thankful for the flowers i found strewn on the path to my refuge, my sanctuary.

not knowing who put the flowers there adds to the wonderful mystery, and it is good to know there is an unknown who knows what i am going through.  bwahahaha!  ooops, there i go, again!

ilysm and i know you know it!