this past visit @ La Huerta

i have been so busy these past few weeks,
and i have not been to my farm, as a result.
i even missed the harvests of the peppers,



the pumpkins,



the lettuces, the beans



and the tomatoes.



oh, my! those are the things that i love doing the most – harvesting. . .
and trying to decipher the mystery of nature in the beauty of a harvest. . .
what has come between us?

so, it was a pleasant surprise to have a friend who came for a visit.



la huerta has become my venue for entertaining visiting family and friends.

the farm ambiance is still unparalleled



and the sumptuous meals served by virgie is definitely a knockout.



it still feels great to walk the paths of la huerta.



now, there are more new paths. where there once was only Rosario’s path,



now there are a few unnamed treks.



and there is still much beauty to be found.





i have always been a firm believer that a well-planned landscape is one that looks great all time of the year,
and this is what i did at the farm.

the visit was short and brief but the changes i noticed at the landscape,
as a result of the seasons,
reflect clearly my belief.

and i walked all the paths of la huerta,
both old and new
and they all lead to my dear old balinese hut –

where life stories are told. . .

surprised!

my birthday was not that day,

i didnt even think about it,

i usually never do,

my birthday is just one of those days,

nothing special for the self,

most of the time,

it is spent for, well, not the self, but that is another story.

F.A.R.M. button day was conceptualized by my new young friend, wheng.

the thought fascinated me,

and because i am a perennial hostess to anything,

it was a happy thought to host a lunch

for my new found friends, my new clique, my F.A.R.M.ers.

so the F.A.R.M.ers’ convergence would be at the farm - La Huerta.

double entendre (i farm and i F.A.R.M.).

as in any day that a guest is to visit La Huerta,

i wanted the place to be perfect

(to my standard, at least: flowers strewn on the pebbled path,

the small fountain bubbly,

the grass cut, trees pruned, yard swept. . .

i can go on and on),

as i will be entertaining perfect friends,

some of them, actually perfect strangers.

my F.A.R.M.ers arrived early!

on time!

was i embarrassed that i have to arrive at a later time,

and when i did, i felt like i was important.

they (wheng, joan, jo, yayet and apple) were actually taking pics

of the steps i make from the time i alit the pedicab,

till the time i was throwing kisses all around – amidst screams, laughter.

i was in the middle of joy.

when we settled in my balinese hut,

and sarah finally arrived with her brood,

more laughter and kisses and fun.

it was such a fun moment! fun to all of us, joy to me, particularly.

joy that i cannot put into words, i just know i was joyful! jubilant! exalting!

they suddenly started singing a birthday song,

and the lone male F.A.R.M.er present

(now better known as itay)

suddenly came up with a lighter and was lighting my candles.

i was all ???? what is happening? whose birthday is it?

i never even thought one would notice the birth date on my profile

and to come up with a surprise like that,

i was again speechless, and had to swallow hard to

keep me from losing it. it has never actually happened,

that somebody gives me a surprise for anything!

my ‘sisters’ came next, tootsie with her brood

and anne with my goddaughter emma.

more kisses and wishes.

we didn’t want the day to end, it was such a happy day

and we were all enjoying: the food, the place, the company.

but dusk crept surreptitiously and soon it was dark,

we had to go.

and today,

i look back to that special day,

those precious moments and cannot keep a smile from forming.

i look at myself on the mirror just in front of me now

and i see lines,

especially near my smiling eyes,

and i know,

they may not reflect the many times i have smiled, laughed

and cried. . .

but i certainly know. . .

those lines are there for reasons and seasons. . .

viva la vida solo

my having a busy sched in farming and f.a.r.m.ing has been a great blessing to my state of being solo. not only did i lose the time to mope and feel alone and lonely (by the time i am done, i am asleep before my head hits my bed), but also, won a time when i can immerse myself into my real passions.

there are times like now, however, when that old gnawing feeling of being alone hits me like a phantom lurking in the dark, waiting for a moment like this to make me feel, and remind me, that i am, indeed alone, and solo, still. the recent visit of my dear friend and sister bbj, has somehow filled the void i often feel. And her leaving has re-created it.



it seems that no matter what is going on in my life, that old saying about the ‘’greener grass’’ always pops up at some point. there are so many things to be loved and hated about being a single person. whether it’s hating the weekends alone, or the approaching holidays; having things to fix about the house with no one there to help out; or, simply, having someone to hold you when you want to be held – these things can magnify the loneliness that sometimes comes with being solo and over shadow the good that comes with being single. having a shoulder-to-cry-on in times of failures, and for me, more importantly, in times of successes, is more felt now than ever.

however, it is also important to remember to keep a perspective on what is going on in my heart and head. these challenging times are when i need to make an extra effort of taking special care of my own needs. being clear about whether i am feeling lonely because i have physical needs rather than simply the need to share my thoughts with another person can be an important distinction in how i go about filling that void. it can mean the difference between calling up a friend to meet for coffee and a chat, or getting involved in a toxic relationship out of fear of being alone.

i lean more towards doing the former, than the latter, at least for now. . .



viva la vida solo!

dealing with the green-eyed monster

“our envy of others devours us most of all.”—Alexander Solzhenitsyn



the merriam-webster dictionary defines envy as:
“painful or resentful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by another,
joined with a desire to possess the same advantage.”
it’s no surprise that a fair number of people are suffering a spell of envy.
the combination of people losing their jobs (or husbands)
and position in society with so many still caught up in the modern obsession with being ‘somebody’,
would almost guarantee it,
let alone the extra spur of learning almost daily how much
the rich and powerful have been taking for themselves.



envy is also built into the modern belief
in competition as an essential spur to success.

what drives competition save some level of envy of the winners?



and if envy can be a positive motivator in some cases, as it can,
mental health statistics and reports also point in a different direction,
showing how envy can become the catalyst that leads to depression, resentment, malice and deep-seated negativity and eventual dementia, melancholia.



competition works for the winners.
envy has least impact on those who already ‘have it all’.
for the rest, it’s usually negative in the extreme.

envy isn’t about others. it’s about you.



the underlying energy around envy is twofold:
both wanting what others have and
dwelling on what you suspect may be wrong with you.
it’s a place smelling of self-loathing and self-pity.
it’s a spur to feeling ‘less than’ and focusing on what you don’t have.
lack attracts lack.
caught up in a downward spiral of envy,
you’re steadily moving backwards, sowing more seeds of doubt about your real worth.
the corrosive power of envy comes from this accompanying sense of deficiency.
like an ulcer, it eats away at you.
it runs your life and builds frustration.
it warps your perspective, making you want to ‘get even’ with anyone who even seems to have more than you.
it is completely self-destructive.
in the throes of envy,
you either obsess about ways to prop up your ego,
or plan how to denigrate others for having what you imagine you ought to have too. either way, it’s a lose:lose proposition.



envy is never, never really about the other person.
it’s about you and your own sense of self-criticism and failure.
few of us realize we are our own target when it comes to envy, but it’s true.
only the person who believes, deep down, that he or she is a failure will be envious of others.



only the loser wastes time imagining how it would feel to see the winner knocked off that long-for pedestal.



people who are taken over by envy spend much of their time gossiping, bullying, spreading nasty rumors or quietly reveling in others’ mistakes.
secretly, they want others to fail because they imagine this will make them feel better about themselves.



envy quickly erodes relationships, eating away at intimacy, openness and connection. how can you deal fairly with others if you are simultaneously plotting how to ‘bring them down a peg or two’?

bohol - a rendezvous with nature

endangered tarsier






"manmade" forest


chocolate hills


wind-swept pine


a calm sea