a baptism

true to the sacrament, the name of my farm was officially bestowed by a catholic priest (fr. yoyo gaite). i was thinking out loud, four years ago, contemplating on what to call my place, when i had lunch with friends in Naga, and we chanced upon fr. yoyo. i told him of my plans, well, my dreams, then, about that piece of idle agricultural land i inherited from my mother. i asked him about possible names, and was very insistent on using a spanish term, my forebears being of that race. i asked him about the local term we use, 'laguerta' and he told me, why not make it "la huerta" which literally means "the orchard". he went on suggesting: la huerta de rosario (the orchard of rosario - my mother), la huerta de los santos (the orchard of the saints - de los santos being our family name) and the shorter version stuck.
LA HUERTA
little did i know then that my dream of having my own garden, orchard, farm will propel me to what i now call my mission.

today,
i had the honor
of putting up the name,
a landmark. . .
it is a beacon to
farmers,
leaders,
women,
family,
friends,
the lost,
and the found. . .

w e l c o m e!

i am a steward of my own environment

a reconfirmation of my life's mission



the word “environment” conveys different things to each of us. one person might think of green forests, oceans, and mountains, another of grassy plains, and wildlife. when we consider environmental challenges, we may think of recycling or energy conservation, industrial waste or climate change. we tend to think of issues that are much larger than ourselves as individuals, and they can seem abstract at times.


but for me my environment is what literally surrounds me: the air i breathe, the water i drink, the land i walk on. my environment is my house, my yard, my garden, my street. it is my community, my country, my planet.



the cleanliness of the water in Waras river, or the Buhi lake, or Baao lake (which seems to grow larger or smaller, depending on which month you get a glimpse of it) for that matter, can affect what comes out of our tap. the cleanliness of the air in Naga City or in Iriga City, can and does affect what goes on in my lungs. And what comes out of cars, kitchens, and power plants affect not just me, but persons around the world for generations to come.


environmental concerns are both intensely personal, local and completely global. a garbage-filled “sulong” has the most impact on those who rely on it for drinking water, or for fishing, but it also damages an entire ecosystem. a heavily polluted city hurts the health of its own inhabitants as well as those hundreds of miles downwind. as i learn and understand more about the course of climate change, i become more acutely aware that there are no personal or local decisions. everything i do touches others.

and it makes me think, and think hard, and decide, and decide with conviction. and when i do that, i always remember that my decisions never really concern only me, myself, alone, singly.

i can make a difference. when i work on small projects that help only a few people, it can be hard to step back and see how i really am changing the world. it can be difficult to see how recycling old clothes, and turning the old, tattered fabrics into beautiful quilts that warm my lonely nights, how turning what used to be discontinued lines of beautiful buttons into wearable works of magnificent art, or recycling a letter envelope into pay envelope, of walking instead of driving, or using less water can really bring a better and healthier difference to the next generation.



what i know now, for sure, is that those small changes – these private, individual choices – can add up to something tremendous. the decisions i make may seem small, but they are nothing of the kind.


and i make myself remember that because i am an empowered rural woman (a rural legend, to quote Jun) i am a leader in my own circle, my community, and i have chosen to help lead the way to a better future, in the matter of environmental responsibility, as in all others, i must first lead by living the example, by making the choices that will bring me and you, a healthier tomorrow.

my favorite picture of late

thanks so much to ernst,
who makes me beautiful and lets me believe and feel it

i never thought i would have a chance,
or an occasion to wear a filipiniana attire.
and when i did, it was an honor.
i am a filipina,
not just my looks,
but more importantly my heart and my soul.
and i am proud to be a filipina.

my response

Bicol Rural Women Summit 2008
& Awarding Ceremonies
Macagang Business Center, Nabua, Camarines Sur

2nd Place Winner of the
Dept of Agriculture's Search for the Most Outstanding Rural Women 2008



i derive great pleasure and feel honoured to be addressing this group of women, and be associated with this very significant occasion – commemorating the International Rural Women’s Month and the Bicol Rural Women Summit 2008. and i accept this prestigious award with deep humility, hope and determination. as aptly themed, this assembly is about “Climate Change: and we, the Rural Women, are part of, if not THE solution. secretary Yap in his speech during the awarding ceremonies of the national winners, specifically said, that men must accept it, it is the women who do the better job, it is US.


marlyn sta. catalina - regional technical director for operations and regulatory, DA-RFU 5
dr. carmencita africa, PCA - vice chair, GAD-FS
usec. bernadette romulo-puyat – chair, GAD-FS
bernadette de los santos – 2nd place winner - region 5
hon. sec. arthur c. yap – dept. of agriculture
first lady lourdes n. bongcayao
baao municipal mayor quirino g. bongcayao, jr.
aloha gigi i. banaria, chief, institutional development section

my winning the 2nd place in the 2008 Search for Outstanding Rural Women has given me mixed feelings: pride, joy, apprehension, excitement, humility and hopefulness. but the most pervading emotions were the last two: humility and hopefulness. i was telling gigi when we were back in our room, after the awarding ceremonies, that i felt humbled standing beside the two other winners. one was an entrepreneur and the other a haciendera, with 300 hectares of farm/orchard in a land never visited by tropical storms. but hand in hand with that feeling of humility is a strong sense of hope and purpose. i was the youngest to receive the award and i was telling myself that when i reach their age, i will have achieved more, i just have to re-set my goals and be clear of my purpose.



being outstanding in any field, is never a birthright, nor is it handed from one generation to the next. it is a conscious daily choice. from the time we wake up till our hour of sleep, we are always presented with choices and i believe now, more than before, that it is our decisions and choices that make the difference between excellence and mediocrity. everyday, we are presented with situations where we can be outstanding, exceptional, admirable. we should grab those opportunities and be.

i farm, and i am sure a lot of you have been to my farm, or at least have heard of La Huerta. but farming is not automatically beneficial to the environment. in fact, a lot of farms have done more harm than good to our environment, with the unconscionable use of non-biodegradable farm inputs. it is always a conscious act on my part to be environmentally responsible when i farm. it takes a lot, it may also cost a lot, but when i sit down on my favourite spot at my balinese hut, and feel the cool breeze and gaze at the greeneries that surround me, i am at peace with myself, because i know, at the end of everyday that i farm, i am not only being a steward of La Huerta, but i am a stronger and more determined guardian of my environment. so i call on you, sisters, friends, fellow women, let us do our own small share in making our environment green, together, all these small share from each of us, will mean a lot.



to my mother, who is the “gardener in my garden of dreams”, she has sown the seed of love for farming in me. i have always wanted to make her proud, and now, i am sure, she is smiling. my brother martin and my sister terrie, for allowing me to “play” at La Huerta. to the dept. of agriculture, RFU5, my deepest appreciation and gratitude for all the support. gigi, ms. marlyn, glo, rose, sir dave, red dayao. to my allies in baao, mayor bongcayao, lucy, my “sisters in the hood”: ritz, tootsie, anne, lilette, shazam! members of my various organizations, i will make up for the lost time, as being in a competition takes a lot of time and energy, i was nearly amiss of my duties to my members. my farm helps: virgie, inggay, ponso, delia, jason, bataw, eboy, isko and grace, i would not have made it without their loyalty and industry. to my dearest ernst, my one and only brother by serendipity, for restoring my confidence and for making me believe i am "beautiful". for a dear person, who prefers not to be mentioned, you are the wind beneath my wings. and most of all, i offer my win to the Almighty. thank you and good day!

my button bracelets

a closer look at my vintage buttons (well, some might not be so vintage)



i finished 13 of these today. am a fast one.

my button jars

yesterday i got the good news! but am not telling. no, not here, not right now, not yet. i want to savor the feeling, alone, singly. and i want to gloat and feel smug about it. i want to immerse myself into the joy of a win!
which is something that somehow brings me to my button jars.


i recently acquired a huge lot. you see, a need to have buttons in a button jar has been growing in me. for months it has simmered but in the last few days it has risen to a boil. and so i went...and not just to one store. no, i went to a buttons dealer, but what i was not ready to see what was waiting for me at home, and at 5:17pm i found a box stuffed with vintage buttons on yellowing plastic packets which somehow found its rightful home, and finally slaked my thirst. hah! i got a boxload of buttons! and i got the jars to fill them with!



i can't quite say what this is all about. i remember the magic of my grandmother's button jar and the smaller one my mother had. i remember the sound of them cascading onto the tabletop. i remember sorting them by size, by colour, or by shininess. i wanted a button jar. and today, i desperately wanted to find second-hand buttons. something within me rose up and demanded it.



so i sat on my verandah with a mug of coffee and four pieces of saltines for my supper, beginning to fill my button jars, as the birds sang and the grey rain clouds jostled with the puffy cumulus clouds and life was good, i hear the clinks as my favorite buttons find the way into my button jars. my button jars are my best friend when i am alone.



and now, even though there are many buttons to be liberated from the plastic packets, even though there is cleaning and mending and farming and walking and treasure hunting with the ‘sisters’ - among other things - ahead of me tonight, now...now I can be, and i am . .a WINNER!

a passionate woman who is also not a mother

i have always heard this from my mother, and now i hear it from my friends who are mothers. lucky (or unlucky for me), i am not a mother.

“mothers can put their own lives and interests on hold as a sacrifice to their children”


Itonan Day Care Center, Buluang, Baao, Cam Sur

as noble as this seems, it is a sort of negligence: withholding who she is - the best part of herself - from her children.

we were having our weekly “meeting”, and our occasional treasure hunting in Iriga City. and it surfaced again (i actually used to get so uncomfortable when the topic smoothly shifts to being a mother, i not being one). and it seems particularly poignant this week with oodles of mothering talk in the air, this week being the time that i am awaiting the result of the recent competition i was nominated to (National Search for the Most Outstanding Rural Women 2008). and what came into my mind was how i answered the question posed at me by Ma’am Flor, the team leader of the panel of validators from the Dept. of Agriculture.

when the team of validators came over and interviewed me, one of the questions (which i was actually expecting to be asked) was: being unmarried and without child, how will you inspire women who are happily married and are fulfilled mothers? spontaneously, i blurted out the value of gratitude. “every woman dreams of becoming a bride, a wife, a mother, but if neither one nor all doesn’t happen, one can still be an outstanding woman, and live a meaningful life. to the happily married women and fulfilled mothers, i can evoke gratitude in them. gifts come in all different shapes and sizes, and having a family is one great gift any woman should be grateful for. being alone and single and childless is also a gift (i have learned to appreciate it sooner than later). it is in how we look at the situations we are thrown into, we can choose to see the sun or the clouds.”

talk fell to "how do you do it all?", a perennial favourite, and the answer is that i don't. i do far more than i thought i ever could and occasionally startle myself when i see myself through the eyes of the old me. i give to others in huge swaths of time and energy, thought and feeling. the secret is that i put myself on that list. my passions, which could easily be denigrated as mere hobbies, are the reason i wake with a joy in the morning, eager to see what the day brings and what i can do within its bounds.


dilapidated Aeta tribal hall - they seem to be invisible, nobody notices them, till now

i have learned not to be afraid to think of myself as a woman who also happens NOT to be a mother. when i do this, the vibrancy and passion that i bring to life makes me a better person. the self that does the self-sacrificing is that much stronger, that much more energized, that much more interesting. i will never be a mama. but i can be Bernadette, Bidibidi, B. and then i let that woman be a mother not to one child, but to many, to the children of the world. and i have a far more fascinating self to give.



the Aeta kids of Caranday, Baao, Cam Sur

keepers of the earth

teaching the youth their responsibility towards nature

"respect your mother"


psychology students of the University of Sta. Isabel,
Naga City @ La Huerta
10 Oct 2008


agricultural students of don bosco agro-mechanical technology center,
legaspi city during their farm training @ la huerta
27 june 2008


student leaders of the polangui community college,
polangui, albay
25 may 2008


farmers field school trainees of bicol university, college of agriculture & forestry,
guinobatan, albay
24 june 2008

rural women's month celebration @ la huerta

artful recycling

8 october 2008



proudly handmade




my students/trainees - DA-RFU5 Lady Employees Association

my quest to empty a vessel and make the most noise

6 october 2008


(dakak, zamboanga del norte)

the hardest thing i have to learn in this life is to remain open to whatever this life brings.

i am stuffed to the brim - full of wants (actually overflowing!): what i want, what i should want, what i need to want, what my community wants, what i want out of everyone else, what i want from it all and where all these wants will lead, build on, grow.

carrying so much weight of shoulds and needs and wants and musts keeps me moored in the shallows. a leaden anchor grips me by my ankle and prevents me from taking a step. further? farther? either. neither.

i am trying to empty myself out. to allow myself to remain unburdened with ballast. to enjoy the sensation of drifting with the tides and trusting enough to not be frightened by the waves, and instead welcome the buoyancy my weight will allow me. (the waves have always been a source of fear and marvel for me. i guess all my life till now, the fears were more influential than the marvel.)

of not grabbing for the paddle, running berserk of aimless and spatterful of meaningless sculling, or heading straight for my pre-conceived destination(?). shores or otherwise.

it involves re-learning to float, remembering the sensation of being held over dark, cold water, trying to summon the courage to relax my neck and put my head back and trust my “swimming instructor” to let me go and know that i will not sink. to overcome the urge to grab him tightly around the neck and not let go, to splash, and gasp, and choke on the water filling my lungs. (hah! how did i ever get to learn to swim? or do i really swim?)

supreme trust.

this week, i am working on emptying out and re-learning the joys of submerging myself in the world, ears muffled by the weight of water, keeping off any sound, nose pointing at the sky, vision straight ahead, the sky a bowl of blue where birds fly by and dip down to drink on the fly and have a peck on some carcass beside me.

do i have the trust to float?

art is. . .

the image that plays in my head, what something can be later on. . .
the anticipation that keeps me wanting to go home and get my hands working when I find a “treasure”. . .
the tender manner i take off vintage buttons off some vintage, tattered fabrics. . .
the array of bits and pieces i surround myself with when i try to create wearable art. . .
the pride of actually wearing my creation. . .
the wows I get when I am wearing my creation. . .
my life and am living it. . .


(my working table @ la huerta)


(my green butterfly)



(my rainbow of beads)


(shades of lavender - buttons bracelets)


(catching the sun on my sunny, cheerful yellow buttons bracelets)

la huerta: farm & coffee stop

a farmer’s paradise



a showcase of good harvest
'where nutrition is always in season'
a place where technology and nature plays hand in hand
'adapting the new, embracing change'

a farm of principles and advocacies
“reduce, reuse, recycle”
"think green, live green"

a refuge, a sanctuary, a haven
for students, farmers, farmer leaders, rural & city women, women leaders, friends and family
“leading by living the example”

an artist’s hands at play



paintings of nature amidst nature
poetry amongst the greenery
music with the birds and the rustlings of the leaves
...an interplay of art and advocacy



an example of what an empowered rural woman can do

lead by living the example
teach with one's life,
share nature’s beauty & bounty
radiate passion

la huerta, my life's journey

bernadette de los santos
16 september 2008


my vision. . . it is a dream,
my goal. . . a destination
or so i thought. . .

la huerta is my life's journey.
and is my child.

la huerta: farm & coffee stop

bernadette de los santos
7 september 2008

a new face,
a new phase.



a destination,
a journey.



and the "bayanihan" spirit is still alive.

i dream

bernadette de los santos
5 sept 08

i dream of tomorrows
when i will feel your warmth,
leisurely lingering.

i dream of scenes
where my fingers are so entwined with yours
as we walk along a path of wondrous memories.

i dream of laughter
that doesn’t give way to time,
and never stops,
and stays ringing in our senses
till we succumb to the temporary.

i dream of you and me.
and no one can stop me.